Beauty is more than skin deep

Well, since my last post lots has happened. I got my head on straight and I joined Weight Watchers. I had a great group, I had a great cheerleader ( my bestie Jen) and I was doing AWESOME! I lost 25 lbs and I was looking great and feeling more confident . You know, less like a frumpy fatty.Then ,once again, life happened. We got downsized , we had to move.I had to start over at a new group, without my cheerleader/workout buddy.But, I could do this. The group here..sucked. No motivation. Maybe it was me? Then another curve ball, my husband got a job that takes him out of state a lot of the time. I hate it. It is what it is..it pays the bills. I suck it up...along with a lot of crappy foods. I'm still staying within my points but stress is making every pound hang on for dear life.So, i stay..and I stay, and then I get frustrated, I am starving, working out really hard and am getting NO RESULTS! You know how that feels? It feels like I was wasting my time. I know it wasn't logical. It was me being stressed and giving up. Life got in the way of my weight loss plan. Then it starts to snow ball.I gain a pound, I stop exercising, I get more lax on my points..wham! bam! thank you ma'am..a few months later...I'm 10 lbs heavier and very frustrated with myself. So, here I am frustrated and moving in the wrong direction from my goal. I'm making a decision...AGAIN..to get healthy. I really can't stand being chunky. I must be like some sort of self loathing fat person...is that even a thing? It's always been a part of my mind. Even when I was skinny and puking 10 times a day, I never felt thin enough. I know this about myself. But I also know the scale doesn't lie and that I am about 90 lbs heavier than I was when I thought I needed to lose another 10 lbs.I've changed a lot.Now, its about being a good role model for my girls not vanity. Well, not JUST vanity. I am human. Nobody wants to look unattractive, right? Here I am at the starting line again. I am going to do it by sticking to my points and exercising. I am going to do it the healthy way. The other way is not an option. I want my girls to see my exercising and eating healthy. They are perfect as they are and I don't want to be a bad example.I can't be the Mom asking "Do I look fat in this?" What kind of example am I setting for my girls? That their measure in in their waist size? No, I want them to feel healthy and be proud of who they are and know that their worth comes from within, not from their appearance.