Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Dedication to the journey

This new journey has me being honest with myself, as demonstrated by my confessions in the last post, as well as with everyone else. I am a pretty honest person, but I NEVER share details about my weight ( though I am sure it is pretty obvious to allthat have eyes that I am in fact overweight). In retrospect, I am not really sure who I was lying to more so others or myself. I think, I thought, if I never uttered the words or admitted just how fat I had gotten over these past wasn't real. But believe me when I had to buy a size "20" shorts this summer, that was a pretty hard slap in my face. I couldn't deny it, the number was there. There's no way you can be a size 20 and skinny unless you are 13 foot tall.There you have it...reality.She is a cold hard mistress. But it, along with the complete turn upside down of my life because of a relocation half way across the country, has prompted this journey and I am excited to be on it for as long as it takes, even if it takes forever. It was like all the stress of my husband losing his job, and the uncertainty of it all caused me to gain 15 pounds over this summer.Rather than dwelling on it and becoming a victim of my circumstances, I am looking at it as a chance to start over, to push the reset button. I am embracing this new part of my life. I am free of the chains of expectation, I can be and do whatever I want to be or do and so I am. I told my husband the other day...yes, I said it outloud (or rather via text message:) that I refuse to be 2nd or 3rd priority in my own life. My children are my life and I love them above all else, but if I am not being the best ME that I can be, what kind of an example am I setting for them? So, things are changing. In fact, I think my husband likes it. He likes having me a little more spice in my attitude and caring a little more about what I look like, not to mention I am the catalyst that moves this family. Life is good; no life is great. I am blessed by an abundance of love and support in my life, I just wasn't taking advantage of what I have.So, I am logging my calories religiously into my ipod and I even scheduled time on my calendar, daily, to workout. I finally realized no one can take care of me or do this for me, I have to work hard and do this for myself.It is empowering. I feel like a new person already. It's only been a little over a week but I've lost 4 pounds and I feel better, more proactive. I finally feel like I'm back in charge of myself and my body; rather than my body dictating my every thought and action.

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